Sunday, September 27, 2009

This is my outlet. Dont judge me.

You do not have to comment on this if you are going to say something that is not nice. I do not need anyone else’s opinion if it’s going to hurt my feelings. I’m tired of people judging me. This is how I feel right now. It is unnecessary for anyone to answer any question I ask because I did not ask them so others could answer them. I am typing this because I need an outlet and until I have posted how I feel so that others can read the way I feel I am unsatisfied. I need people to know what I think. Even if people think I am insane. Thank you
This is a story that I have written that turns into a long rant of random thoughts and feelings.
They stand outside the window, getting ready for the night ahead of them. What trouble might they decide to get in tonight? How many people have judged them for their escapades rather than helping them and befriending them? Do they not need a good influence on their life? Do I not know my boundaries? Can I not handle myself? If they knew me would they judge me? Would they allow themselves to be subjected to my way of life? Would they give me a chance, or would they see that I AM part of a PECULIAR people. Would they place a mark on me that would keep them from getting to know me? Would they see that I am different? Would they let me in and accept me. Is it true that I am not supposed to be accepted? Each day I find that I cannot find my one place. Is this because my true place is in heaven or is it that the true person inside of me will not allow myself to get too close. Why do I feel so different than everyone else? Can I not find that one group that I get along with perfectly? No matter where I go I am uncomfortable. I never feel accepted. People have a natural reaction to judge others. Some people will speak what they think and others will not. Do they not know that I can see their judgments? Words are unnecessary when I can see it in your actions. The facial expression and body language can say it all. They way you say things, not as much as what you say. My feelings get hurt so easily. Should I not be able to walk outside and not feel judged? Whose right is it to judge, it’s not yours or mine. The only one who can judge me is God. Why must you torment me? I never want to make someone feel uncomfortable the way I do all the time. Moving away from home has been so hard. I have found the reason that it is so hard to get along on my own is because home was my refuge. It was the one place that I could go and just lie down and rest. My family loved me as I was. No change necessary. Now I am caught between the thoughts of the many I am around every day. No more hugs before I go to bed. Good night baby. I love you have sweet dreams, a kiss on the cheek, another hug. What I would do to feel at home again…..

Friday, September 25, 2009

My Bad morning in detail

The Day I should have slept in
So i would like to tell everyone about the first hour of my day. First I think everyone should learn a few facts about me.
  1. I was raised to call wasps waspers, and until I started college I did not realize this was incorrect.
  2. I do not like my coffee strong at all.
  3. I cannot see without my contacts.
So here is my day.
Class starts at 9:05 I wake up at 9:16. I rush to class I am about 15ft away from class & I get stung by a wasp! I walk in set down & after a few min my prof asks whats wrong, The whole class heard me say WASPER, the prof even repeated it. Then today he decides he is going to have us take notes, which I cannot see because I don't have my contacts in. After class I decide I will go to Starbucks for a vanilla latte with extra vanilla. They give me a vanilla latte w 3x shots... What more will happen. That all happened in just one hour. I dread the rest of this day.